FACING THE GRIEF OF AGING AND EMBRACING YOUR LIFE

I look in the mirror and see new lines on my face, a bit of drooping in places that never drooped before. I could wallow in self-pity and mourn the loss of my youth.  Instead, I choose to celebrate my years and experience.

I reflect on the rich, crazy and wonderful times I experienced in my life – being a hippie in the ‘60s; being a denizen of CBGB’s and part of the burgeoning punk rock scene in NYC in the ‘70s; coming into my own in the ensuing years; experiencing life as an entertainment lawyer, and giving it up to follow my dream to become a psychotherapist.

Here are some tips I have learned for embracing aging and letting go of grieving the loss of youth:

  • Know that wisdom comes from life experience, not from reading about it.
  • Appreciate yourself and what you have learned.
  • Celebrate your accomplishments.
  • Acknowledge your imperfections without judgment.  No one is perfect, young and old alike.
  • Accept your limitations.  So what if you can no longer run a four- minute mile?
  • Embrace patience.
  • Have compassion for yourself, and for all others on this path called human existence.
  • Celebrate impermanence.  After all, if things were permanent, nothing whatsoever would be possible.
  • Relish interdependence.
  • Reinforce your personal sense of spirituality through the beauty of nature, the arts and life’s little miracles.
  • Share your gifts and experience with others, and teach them what you have learned through life’s trials and triumphs.
  • Enjoy the quiet times.
  • Create a list of things you’d like to accomplish, and set about doing them.  It’s not too late.
  • Have a sense of honest humility about the things you’d like to accomplish but know that you may not be able to.  It’s OK.
  • Don’t dwell on regrets.  Again, nobody is perfect.  Acknowledge what you’ve learned from mistakes along the way.
  • Maintain a sense of humor and perspective, and laugh often.

Treating Depression in the Elderly

Contrary to popular belief, depression is not a “normal” part of the aging process, but a treatable mental health condition. Symptoms of depression include feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, helplessness, guilt, isolation and unrealistically negative beliefs about oneself. These feelings not only affect the depressed person, but also their family members, loved ones and caregivers.

Depression is unlikely to go away by itself, and the guidance of a professional counselor, in addition to a physician, is often warranted. In fact, psychotherapy has been found to very likely help the depressed senior live a happier, more fulfilling life and decrease the risk of suicide.

There are a number of things a loved one or caregiver can do to help alleviate a depressed senior’s depression. These include:

1. Make sure the depressed person sleeps and eats regularly.
2. Reinforce rewarding experiences and activities, including exercise.
3. Explore spiritual or religious beliefs as a source of personal comfort and support.
4. Allow the depressed person to tell his or her story, called “life review”, through techniques such as guided journaling, letter writing, autobiography or collage.

A counselor or psychotherapist trained in narrative therapy can be particularly helpful for helping seniors find meaning and a sense of integrity and ease their feelings of depression.  Narrative therapy is particularly helpful in helping depressed clients reconcile the inevitable losses incurred over a lifetime and find meaning in those losses in the context of their lives through the telling of the story of their lives. The role of the narrative therapist is to bear witness to the complexity and rich nuances of the evolving story and collaborate with the client in to make sense of his or her losses and find healing and growth through the process of reconciling those losses and acknowledging the contributions they have made in their lives.