MAKING FRIENDS WITH PAIN AND OVERCOMING SUFFERING

You may have read the title of this article and thought to yourself, “Why would I want to make friends with pain? I’ll do anything to avoid it!” Paradoxically, it is only through acknowledging and going through the pain of our suffering that we can then work with it, overcome it, and achieve happiness. As the Dalai Lama has said,

We have to relate the Four Noble Truths to our own experience as individual human beings. It is a fact – a natural fact of life – that each one of us has an innate desire to seek happiness and to overcome suffering. (The Dalai Lama)[i]

The Four Noble Truths that the Buddha taught provide a universal framework for the practice of Buddhism. This small book can be viewed in the context of this basic teaching of the Buddha after he gained enlightenment under the Bodhi Tree in India.

The First Noble Truth is that life is suffering. Until we find a way out of our own unhappiness through our individual path toward healing and growth and our spiritual practice, we are stuck in the endless cycle of samsara. Like a hamster on a wheel, humans tend to do the same things over and over, and wonder why we’re not getting anywhere and staying miserable.

The Second Noble Truth describes the cause of our suffering, that is, our attachment to our thoughts, our possessions, our negative beliefs and emotions, and above all, our clinging to a solid sense of self.  It is difficult to let go of these attachments. They become habitual patterns. We mindlessly perpetuate these patterns, wondering why things never change. Both psychotherapy and Buddhism provide tools in this regard to help us mindfully disengage from our negative habits and tendencies.

The Third Noble Truth teaches that our suffering can actually cease through our letting go of our belief in a solid self and coming to understand on an experiential level that all phenomena are empty of a solid self and are impermanent, always changing if we stop long enough to notice. This is so difficult for us humans. It is so hard to let go of our habitual tendencies and our thoughts. Enlightenment, “lightening up,” is possible, however, through practicing on our path with patience, discipline, diligence and above all, compassion and gentleness.

The Fourth Noble Truth describes the path that leads to the cessation of suffering. The yearning to let go of the habits that cause our suffering is universal. Sometimes, we use unhealthy means in our attempt to escape suffering. We find, however, that there is no escape from doing the work if we want to heal. We have to lean into our pain and go through the suffering to get to the other side.

Only through leaning into and experiencing our pain can we transform our suffering and develop compassion, true understanding, healing and growth.

 

[i]Dalai Lama, H.H. (1997). The Four Noble Truths. London: Thorsens.

Experiencing Physical Pain

I have practiced working with chronic pain for many years, using my mindfulness meditation practice as an aid. However, nothing prepared me for the experience the acute pain I recently endured.

I tried to relax around the pain, experience the physical pain directly without adding thoughts about it that lead to suffering, etc. – all the things that I tell my therapy clients and mindfulness meditation students. However, while in the throes of the most intense and excruciating moments of the pain, it was almost impossible to remember to breathe and relax. The following tips are intended as a reminder for myself , and an offer to others, when experiencing acute physical pain:

• Breathe and visualize creating space around the pain. Imagine soothing water or an elixir bathing the area in love and light.
• Listen to soothing music. Music can be so healing. Allow yourself to enjoy its beauty.
• Have someone rub your back, hold your hand, simply be a caring presence. It is so easy to isolate ourselves when we are in pain of any kind. Remember to reach out for support.
• Take a bubble bath, get a massage. Be kind to yourself.
• Listen to the song of a single bird. Notice the beauty of a single flower. Focusing on one thing helps calm the swirling emotions that accompany pain.
• Banish negative self-talk. This pain is not your fault or bad karma!

• Know that everyone experiences pain, and use this opportunity to develop compassion for yourself and others.
Of course, follow your doctor’s advice. When you are experiencing unusual pain, it is important to speak with your health care providers. Emotional and spiritual care are complements to physical care. As I have learned, pain is global – physical, emotional, social and spiritual. It is therefore important to support ourselves in all of these domains when experiencing physical pain.